relationship wherein one person wishes to enter into a
romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable or
dreaded situation by the lovelorn person
. If a desired
party does not return or respond affirmatively to the
advances or affection of the desiring party, but continues to
participate in the friendship in a platonic way, it is
sometimes described as friend-zoning
There are differing explanations about what causes a person
to be placed in the friend zone by another. It might result
from misinterpreted signals or from a fear that a deeper
relationship might jeopardize the friendship. there are several cases in which
someone might become relegated to the friend zone: (1)
person A is not sufficiently attracted to person B, (2) person
A misinterprets nonverbal cues from person B signaling
their interest in deepening the relationship, (3) there is
sexual repulsion (but not enough to block a friendship).
In a friendship between the two people, being relegated to
the friend zone can happen to either person.
Oh no! You're in love. But the object of your affection thinks
of you as more of a brother or sister than anything else.
While it's notoriously hard to get out of the "friend zone", if
you really want to escape, follow these steps.
1.Break the "nice guy" or "sweet girl" stereotype.
Most guys and girls who find themselves in the
"friend zone" are usually susceptible to many of the
characteristics of the "nice guy" or "sweet girl"
stereotype. This means pretty much someone who
wants to avoid making other people uncomfortable at
any cost, but does so usually at their own expense by
not communicating their own needs. Where you're
romantically attracted to someone, but you don't want
to "pressure" them into a relationship, or "ruin" the
friendship by expressing your interest or making a
move, you'll end up holding back in a variety of ways.
The trouble is, when you make other people's feelings
more important than your own (instead of finding that
happy balance), you're unconsciously communicating
to people that your own feelings don't matter. This
may make it seem like you have low self-worth, which
is the opposite of confidence.
While some people are attracted to ever agreeable
mates, the person who assigned you to the "friend
zone" probably is not. If nothing else, inaction tells
the other person that you're simply not interested
(chances are, even if they never felt attracted to
you, they wondered about your intentions).
2. Stop being needy
One of the reasons you might
be interested in this person more than they're into
you is because you are giving off signals that you
really want to be in a relationship! You might be
coming off as a little desperate, which is quite the
attraction killer. You might be rushing things
emotionally and maybe physically.You might also be
placing this person on a pedestal, because you're so
caught up in the idea of the relationship, that you're
quick to assume this person is "perfect".
Examine your own neediness. In one word, relax.
There will always be many more encounters
besides this one, so stop treating it like the last one
you'll ever have. Also, don't force yourself to reveal
your hopes for intimacy, let your actions display
your confidence. Your demeanor should speak for
itself.
3. Think about the difference between a
friendship and a romantic relationship.
If you
think a romantic relationship should just be a great
friendship with physical intimacy thrown into the mix,
then it's understandable to look for common ground
first, and wait for the physical attraction to kick in
sooner or later. But not everyone sees relationships
this way. Some people expect a "boyfriend" or
"girlfriend" to play a particular role in their lives in
order for physical attraction to emerge. The person
who you want to be more than friends with probably
makes a bigger distinction between "friend" and
"romantic partner" than you do. Realize that many
people (both male and female) expect to be courted in
some way. And many psychological issues play out in
the relationship arena that don't ever arise in
friendships. Some people, for example, look for a
romantic partner who can play more of a parental role
than a friend would.
Figure out what the person you're pining for wants
in a boyfriend or girlfriend. Then decide whether
you want to be that for them.
Note that some people are attracted to toxic
relationships. If your love interests keeps getting
involved with people who treat them badly, despite
your advice, you might just have to accept that
they're working through some issues. You could
spend your entire life waiting for them to "see the
light" or you could move on and find someone who
actually (through their actions, not their words)
wants a healthy relationship.
4. Break the touch barrier.
For many people, a big
distinction between "friendship" and "relationship"
is the way they touch. There are platonic ways to touch
someone, and romantic ways, and the boundary is
different for different people. But if you're terrified of
touching someone the wrong way, to the extent that
you hesitate and never touch them first, your
intentions may be good but your "touch paralysis"
isn't helping you at all in the romantic department.
Take a few little "touch risks". Reach for their hands,
hair, shoulders, ankles, and back. Don't just always
wait for them to do it first. If they don't like it, they'll
definitely let you know. But touching someone
communicates to them that you find them attractive,
and also that you're reasonably confident. Both of
these things can make someone feel more attracted to
you.
Note that some people are very affectionate with
their friends; the person you're interested in might
be all about cuddling with you, and think nothing
more of it than friendliness, while you feel like
you're getting mixed signals. At some point the
person you are interested in needs to give out or
give in.
Realize that you're "tying up" your feelings by
staying friends with someone who isn't
romantically interested in you. In the instance
where you've already followed the previous steps and
you've left your pushover habits behind, you've
stepped up to role that he or she is looking for in a
relationship, and you've crossed the touch barrier, but
this person still wants to be "just friends", you'll need
to make some hard decisions. Maybe they're simply
not attracted to you, for reasons you'll never know.
But you still have feelings for them. Is it wise to
continue spending time with them?
Consider that it'll be difficult to develop feelings for
someone else if your feelings for this person are
fueled every time you hang out. You'll struggle with
feelings of jealousy and frustration when that
person dates. Consider that even if you do manage
to develop feelings for someone else, your heart
might always be torn and confused, and it'll be
hard to give your new flame your undivided
affection.
Sometimes, the best thing to do is to take the
friendship down to the level of acquaintance. The
person might feel offended, perhaps it will seem as
if you don't value them as just a friend, but
remember (and explain to them if necessary) that
you can't control how you feel, just like they can't
control how they feel, and you need to make room
in your life and heart for someone who feels about
you the way you feel about them.
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